She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
love makes seman taste better
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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