..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
