how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
