You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
