She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
