You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
