You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
