omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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