Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Floor bacon is actually really good
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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