Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
