I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
