I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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