I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So much rum. So many feels.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize