The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You are a genius and a whore.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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