Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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