i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
