I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
