I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
