I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
