the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
