It was confusing and full of hummus
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
