Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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