I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I love having hate sex.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
