OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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