4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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