dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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