oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
