She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
