I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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