she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
