Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was CRYING into my vagina
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
