If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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