I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
