So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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