I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
