My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
there is glitter all over my balls
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