suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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