I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
