Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
