I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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