I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
