You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
