dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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