I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
