his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
