just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize