We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
