I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
