he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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