apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm too high and old for this...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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