Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
