I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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