my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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