I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
