i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
