so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
