THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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