omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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