someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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