When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
