Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
