your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just had sex bonerless
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
