Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
