I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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