I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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