Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
