Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
